so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
did you just send me my own nude
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
