I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
