look no pants
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
