Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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