This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
