Jerry, you need to find god
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
