Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
