you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
