I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
