its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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