Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
