Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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