I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
