11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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