I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
