Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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