im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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