I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
