So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
grandma shit on top of the toilet
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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