I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
