If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
