Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
