Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
