We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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