that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
