all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
