Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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