and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize