I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
