Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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