just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
