If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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