Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
