So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
