bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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