People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
