He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
