shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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