I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
