remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
