The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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