I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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