i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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