I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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