he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
