Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
