Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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