You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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