She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
