Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize