why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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