I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize