She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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