What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
