Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
