I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
