The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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