Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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