there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize