And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
