3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
