You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize