can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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