Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
