i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
