It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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