you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
