Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
