Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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