I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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