He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
