dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
