Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize