he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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