I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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