I can't breathe out the right side of my face
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
