If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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