does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
