Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
