You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
