So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
