o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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