I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
