isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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