piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
