don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
