Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize