she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
