Sry I called you an 8
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
