My Higher Power is John Stamos
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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