Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
