I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
