I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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