i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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