genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
