he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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