Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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