Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
