So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
