What did we do last night that was yellow?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
