So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
