I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's the barista slut.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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