Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
