My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
