I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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