She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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