Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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