No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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