It's Friday. Sex?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
