Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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