That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
